By Esther Thomas, AFF Overseas Manager
Moving overseas is challenging for anyone, but for blended families — households combining partners, with a mix of children and sometimes co-parenting with ex-partners, the experience can be more difficult to navigate.
With these family structures becoming more common, and the introduction of the overseas housing pilot for those in long-term relationships, the number of queries into AFF’s overseas team has been rising.
The adventure of an assignment overseas can be rewarding, but the added layers of relationships, legal considerations and emotional dynamics often amplify the stress of relocation. It’s important that blended families prepare for them carefully and understand their entitlements and support from the MOD.
Navigating complexities
Custody arrangements and legal permissions are often the greatest hurdle and are considered a civil matter by the MOD.
● Shared custody complications: If children currently split time between households, relocation may require renegotiating legally binding agreements and gaining new court orders.
● Travel consent requirements: Many countries require written consent from all legal guardians before a child can relocate or even travel internationally. This is especially relevant for those travelling with children who have different surnames.
● Differing legal systems: What counts as parental rights, step-parent rights, or guardianship can vary dramatically across borders and some countries may not recognise foreign custody orders.
Financial pressures
Relocation is expensive, and blended families often encounter additional costs which are not currently supported by MOD allowances, such as legal fees for updating custody agreements and higher travel costs for child visitations between countries.
Families should research what is and isn’t covered as there are clear definitions of a child, immediate family or close family in policy relating to entitlement to MOD allowances and support.
Maintaining relationships
Blended families often depend on carefully balanced routine relationship arrangements which may be harder to maintain when overseas. This is due to different time zones, schedules, and reduced inperson interaction, which can strain relationships.
Distance can also disrupt regular face-to-face contact with extended family and video calls may not feel like enough. If one biological parent or siblings remain in the home country, children may feel guilty for leaving them.
It can be helpful for families to develop new routines – scheduled calls and annual trips using Get You Home Overseas allowance to maintain those ties. Also look to use welfare and contact houses so parents in the UK can visit children overseas.
The tri-service contact house directory is available at aff.org.uk
Building an identity abroad
While the considerations may be slightly more complex and challenging, with thoughtful planning, open communication, and emotional awareness, blended families can not only navigate these challenges but can grow stronger through the shared experience.
As ever, the key to a successful overseas move is to invest time into building a new sense of identity for all family members in the new community through hobbies, clubs, volunteering and work opportunities, and to allow space for each person’s emotional experience, especially during the first few months.