Army spouse Alison Baverstock talks to Lady Elizabeth Kitson about founding the Federation of Army Wives Clubs (now AFF*) and why the organisation was needed…
ELIZABETH Kitson married at 23 and immediately headed for Cyprus where her husband Frank was with the Rifle Brigade.
When she was 27, he became Commanding Officer of the newly formed Royal Green Jackets Regiment in Tidworth and within two weeks the regiment went on a three-month posting to Cyprus.
It left Elizabeth with two small children, about 300 wives and a young Families Officer, with many problems and little support.
Many of the wives – it was almost 100 per cent female partners back then – were young and were single-parenting far from the support of their families, which made their lives both difficult and lonely.
Elizabeth became increasingly concerned about the situation, visiting them at home, revamping the wives’ club, and trying to help sort out problems.
Time for training
On the regiment’s return, she had three thoughts. Firstly, that she needed specialist training to help more effectively, so she enrolled on a Families Study course at Bristol University.
The second was to have a more effective method of looking after families, and so her husband appointed a more experienced Families Officer.
The third was to set up a supporting structure for wives, particularly when their husbands were away.
The last drew some encouragement, but also both indifference and active hostility. Commanding officers routinely claimed no central organisation was needed because “they looked after their own.”
Equipped with first-hand evidence that the problems she had identified were universal across the military, including within the units of those most against, she persevered.
Happy families
An initial meeting to consider what such an organisation might look like was organised at Bagshot Park, with the Army selecting the audience and sending out the invitations. The emphasis was on practical issues. Elizabeth believed much could be achieved by wives’ input, it need not be expensive and it would make for happy families.
Early ambitions were the provision of information and support for crisis points, like cot death and bereavement.
A magazine was seen as crucial, which could include key information and be distributed widely. They found a publisher of military magazines who was happy to manage the content, advertising and production if he could leave the distribution to the Army, and Neighbours magazine was born, now Army&You.
The Federation was formed in the early 1980s and began appointing leads in areas of particular concern – housing, health, birth, childcare, relationships.
Confidentiality was vital, and Elizabeth’s reflection that “no wife or husband was going to confess to marital difficulties because it would impact on their husband’s career” still feels spot on.
Collaboration was key
She was insistent that while the Federation should be run by the wives themselves, and cover all aspects of Army life, it should work with the Army in collaboration, and never as a militant agitator. She was determined to secure its charitable status because this meant it could not be disbanded.
She was Chair of the Federation for the first four years and the first President when her husband retired as Commander in Chief of UK Forces. Publicity was gained through coverage in the military press, and she even gave an interview on Woman’s Hour.
Elizabeth said: “None of it could have been achieved without the outstanding work of so many wonderful wives and the support of many men who saw the benefits.”
Lessons learned
Some important lessons were learned along the way:
- Have a clear vision of what is the problem or issue that you are trying to solve – in her case it was “ensuring that wives were better recognised and treated.”
- Keep this central vision, work out how to achieve it as you go along, so ideas for action rather than as causes.
- Be determined to see it through. Elizabeth was fired by a keen sense of justice combined with a commitment to make others’ lives better.
- Think about your own resilience. What is there in your background that can convince you of your capacity for keeping going?
- Be diplomatic. Asking the military to choose the invitees to the first conference enabled the public presentation of an idea to which many were still hostile.
- Always go to the top of an organisation and speak to the person who can effect change. During the Falklands War, Elizabeth wanted to let the government know that announcing major incidents, like ships being hit, before the families had been told, was causing great distress. To her surprise, on ringing up Downing Street, she was put through to the Prime Minister herself. She explained the problem to Mrs Thatcher and the process was swiftly changed. Henceforth announcements would only be made twice a day, at 9.30 and 16.30, and only once the families were notified.
- Always seek group representation rather than relying on your voice alone. She reminded me of lawyer Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s famous comment that you should “Fight for the things you care about. But do it in a way that will lead others to join you.”
- Harvest your time. She had small children so started her work once they were in bed.
- Recognise what you are not good at. Severely dyslexic, the offer of a secretary to support what she was doing came from the military once a similar offer had been made by a defence company. She found the administrative support a real help.
One step at a time
The issues Elizabeth identified were swiftly acknowledged as relevant across the military, as similar organisations were set up for RAF and Naval partners.
Elizabeth insists she relied primarily on her instincts: “What was the problem, what practical solution could be found? Work out how to get there one step at a time.” She is a remarkable woman.
Alison Baverstock is the founder of Reading Force, a charity that links military families through shared reading readingforce.org.uk
* The Federation became AFF in 1996. Image: Lady Kitson