They may be thousands of miles apart due to deployment but Army spouse Hayley and her husband Adam pride themselves on being a team.
He’s spent the last two years based in Jordan on a Loan Service posting, while she’s created a business and a settled home for their two children in the UK. The separation has been tough, but they’ve made it work.
The decision for him to go married unaccompanied followed seven moves, a battle to find the right support for their son Benjamin and a cancer diagnosis.
They’ve been together for 20 years, married for 17, and Adam’s been in the Army since the start. Their first posting was to Winchester.
Hayley said: “I knew about the moving, but I didn’t quite realise what it entailed. It was a big learning curve and it fell to me to organise everything.”
She was training to be a primary school teacher when she met Adam and in the year between passing her qualifications and their wedding he deployed to Iraq.
After eight months in Winchester they moved to Germany and Hayley had to give up her teaching job. It was difficult to find work so she became the patch babysitter.
Then came a move to Cyprus where Emma was born. The family then moved to Manchester. After Benjamin was born Hayley was diagnosed with cervical cancer. She wasn’t due for a smear for another year, so if she hadn’t given birth it might not have been discovered for months.
When they returned to the UK she and Adam began to wonder whether their son had special educational needs. They didn’t realise it would mark the start of a long battle for the right support.
A new direction
Hayley’s cancer treatment was a success, but the diagnosis was a shock that gave her a new perspective on life. While she wanted to work, she decided she didn’t want to miss out on spending time with her children.
That meant not going back into the classroom. Instead she set up her own business. A keen cake maker, in 2016, armed with £100 and permission to work from the family quarter in Tidworth, she started baking birthday cakes and supplying cafés.
There were a lot of late nights, but word spread, and the business flourished.
“A lot of it was time management,” she said. “I had to plan my time around the children, but I could choose when to work. If an event like the children’s sports day was coming up, I would book it off. I made my business work around me.”
Having that flexibility also helped when she was undergoing treatment.
A home of their own
She and Adam had serious discussions about his job preferences and their decisions about his postings were made with the children in mind.
But although he would always support her and be present for meetings, much of the four-year struggle to get an Education, Health and Care Plan for Benjamin fell on Hayley because of his job. They felt very isolated. Hayley’s business, now operating from a converted horsebox, was her haven.
Finally, after several rollercoaster years that involved removing Benjamin from school, an unwelcome visit from the headteacher and welfare officer, education tribunals and nine months of home educating him and his older sister Emma, the couple came to a decision. It was time to buy their own home and settle down closer to family.
The move to Wolverhampton was a landmark moment. “When I opened the front door I smiled and I knew instantly I was at home,” said Hayley.
Emma, 13, went back to school and within a couple of months an educational support package had been agreed for Benjamin. He went from dreading school to looking forward to it.
Meanwhile Adam would go solo on postings. “It was a hard decision that Adam and I had to make. But while we stayed put he didn’t have to worry about us.
“He put his career on hold so he could be there to support us. Now he could focus on it and it’s led to some amazing jobs. We’re very proud of him.”
He’s taken tanks to Ukraine and during the past couple of years he’s had a training role in Jordan. Hayley and the children went for an extended visit last year.
A dream come true
When Hayley discovered a café up for sale near home, not only was Adam on board with the idea of buying it, he rolled up his sleeves and spent three days helping her to transform it before he flew to Jordan.
“I was at the point where I needed something for me,” she explained. “I had no schools to battle, no tribunals. I needed another purpose.”
Cheeky Monkeys Cakery now had a bricks and mortar home.
It’s well established now and celebrated its first anniversary in March. “We really like that we’ve found a local community where we’ve been accepted. People are always coming in and asking after Adam.”
Maintaining a long-distance relationship takes effort and the couple have been through rough patches. But they talk as often as they can and text during the day.
“He’s an amazing dad. Even from Jordan he’s a hands on dad.”
These days when he has to choose his job preferences they sit and work out what’s going to help his career.
“You have to work to find what fits for you and your family,” explained Hayley. “But the way we’ve looked at it is to treat it as one big adventure.”