A blog from Army&You’s autumn 2024 edition by Boo Forster-Haig

The definition of resilience from the Cambridge Dictionary is ‘the ability to be happy, successful again after something difficult or bad has happened’.

Military life is rife with uncertainty and unexpected situations. From moving halfway through a posting, uprooting the family without prior warning, to planning a deployment homecoming, only to be told the date has moved.

How would I define resilience in terms of military spouse life?

In military life, it is less about ‘strength’. Recently, resilience has been put in the same category as ‘dependent’. It has been wrongly construed as a negative. Resilience is about how you as an individual are able to deal with life’s ups and downs. Military life, as we know, throws many uncertainties our way. That is the nature of the beast. The price we pay for loving our service person.

Resilience makes us who we are, it is not consciously sought after, it is not consciously grown or forged. It is not something that we get given in a little present bag on our wedding day.

It is something that naturally occurs once we have been through situations. It is in the friendships we forge at every new posting; it is in the next job interview; it is in the next chat you have with your children about why your partner is going away again.

It is termed ‘strength’, and I view it as one of our community’s ‘strengths’. It is not a physical thing; it can be found in many guises. Resilience can manifest through self-care, engaging in your community, friendships and love.

Resilience used to be a positive word that encapsulated the amazing spouses of the armed forces. It grows through situations we all find familiar, and creates a group of like-minded, wonderful people who see the world differently.

We see it differently because we have developed with constantly changing situations, emotional and physical. We have grown as individuals.

There is strength in this community, a strength of bond that binds us in understanding and compassion. It helps us help others experience similar situations. Resilience is in us.

Whether we chose it or not, look around your community and celebrate it. We did not choose our partner to miss birthdays, anniversaries, medical emergencies; but you are more capable than you know.

You are resilient. You are powerful. You can do this!

Listen to Boo’s podcast PATCHlife – a military spouse perspective.

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