Losing a loved one is one of the most difficult and challenging experiences that we go through. When families and friends are bereaved by suicide, it can amplify the feelings of loss such as anger, confusion and guilt due to the often unexpected and sudden nature of the loss experienced.
These emotions can be further exacerbated when the family or friend are part of the armed forces community and are living away from their family’s support or separated from a loved one due to operational commitments or assignment.
It is recognised that it is really important that families know where and how they can get support during this time.
ACKNOWLEDGING THE RISK
There has been an upward trend in armed forces personnel dying by suicide, and the MOD has acknowledged this by publishing the Armed Forces Suicide Prevention Strategy and Action Plan.
This strategy outlines how the MOD tackles suicide in the armed forces and how it supports those affected by suicide. The action plan includes work to understand suicide risk groups, educating service personnel and the chain of command about suicide.
There is also a Defence Bereaved Families Group that has representation from the Army Widows Association, Scotty’s Little Soldiers and SSAFA, amongst others.
CRISIS SUPPORT
Serving personnel and their families have access to the Samaritans, which has specific information on suicide prevention and peer support in the armed forces. There is also a downloadable Armed Forces Guide and an online chat service is being piloted. For immediate support you can call 116 123.
There is also welfare support available from the unit welfare team and the Army Welfare Service (AWS) Intake and Assessment Team (IAT) who can be contacted on RC-AWSIAT-0Mailbox@mod.gov.uk or 01904 882053. The padre is also a useful point of contact or your medical officer.
HELP FOR BEREAVED FAMILIES
There are several options for support for the family if a serving person or veteran has died by suicide. This includes the SSAFA Military Families Affected by Suicide support group for any family member aged 18 years or over who has been affected by the loss of a loved one through suicide.
The MOD Purple Pack gives guidance on support available if your serving spouse or partner dies.
RESOURCES FOR CHILDREN
Scotty’s Little Soldiers supports children and young people who had a parent serving in the British armed forces that has died.
Scotty’s estimates that every year 2,100 children will experience the death of a parent who served. So far in 2024 it has supported 167 children whose parent died by suicide. The charity also provides one-to-one bereavement support for children, grants, respite breaks, advice for parents and carers, and opportunities for members to meet other bereaved children. It has information on ‘Living life after your parent dies of suicide’ at scottyslittlesoldiers.co.uk
Families’ Activities Breaks runs active holidays for bereaved military families, so if you are 19 or younger you can access FAB Camps around the UK.
WIDER FAMILY IMPACT
The one area that hasn’t been more widely recognised and has less formal support available is when a service family experiences the death by suicide of an immediate extended family member who isn’t serving. This can severely impact the family experiencing the loss as they may be away from their family and support network.
CLAIRE’S STORY
“Inevitably, my husband was away when I found out I lost my dad to suicide. In the weeks and months that followed, it was a really difficult time. I had an overwhelming urge to go back home and be surrounded by family and friends. It isn’t easy when your life, schools etc are across the country. Luckily, I had some good friends at our posting who supported me.
“Finding local support groups with others who are bereaved by suicide was also a challenge as a spouse. It felt important to me to speak to others that understood the questions I had. Should I feel this angry? Should I feel this guilt? And the question that was never answered – why?
“There are few online support groups. Face-to-face groups were problematic as we were due to move again to a new posting, and the next area didn’t have a support group. Leaving behind the friends who supported me was hard. Emotionally this took a toll, and I had my own struggles with mental health for a while.”
AT YOUR SIDE
Suicide Bereavement UK has developed a series of guides for those bereaved by suicide in the armed forces community.
They were commissioned by NHS England and co-produced with individuals bereaved by suicide as well as experts in military mental health, suicide prevention and bereavement.
Suicide Bereavement UK focuses on suicide bereavement research and the development of support materials for the bereaved.
The guides are free to download at suicidebereavementuk.com/armedforces
Contact AFF at healthsupport@aff.org.uk
If you are experiencing a mental health crisis you can text ‘SHOUT’ to 85258 or text ‘YM’ if you’re under 19. The NHS also strongly advises those who are having a mental health crisis to call 111 for support.